And so it begins....

The first thought that came to my mind as I awoke this morning with a start was, "Holy crap. I'm actually doing this?!"

Pearl River, NY isn't exactly what I expected. Residential, quaint, and yet this office is a little island of a culture all its own. We got here Monday around 2 and began all sorts of sessions about team building, culture, worldview, flight itineraries, and budgets. We got our potential teaching material and started looking over it as well to see what good stuff we could find. It'll take some prayer and a lot of creativity, but we may be able to make it work. :) AIM (Africa Inland Mission) has its own headquarters here with conference rooms, a dining hall, and lots of guest rooms. The people bustle around busily, but take time to stop and talk to you about the goodness of God they've seen through their work. They also don't seem quite as concerned about time, and have staff tea time at 3 everyday. A little mixture of African and US culture, I'd say. But, I'm soaking it in as much as I can and enjoying the flushable toilets and hot running water while it's available!

We leave tomorrow in a taxi at 2 for the airport to fly out at 6:30 from JFK. A taxi to NYC? That experience could be exciting enough for this down-home West Virginian. Anyway, we fly to Amsterdam and then on to Entebbe, Uganda. We'll stay the night in Entebbe, then drive to Kampala where the central office is located for a day of on-field training. THEN we take a 7 hour bus trip to Arua, our temporary home, on Saturday. I'll be glad when we just get there. I'm feeling a bit apprehensive about traveling, and not too excited about all the things that could happen on an international flight...but I'm in God's hands, where He wants me to be. And while we know that that may not always be the safest place physically, our hearts and spirits are safe there.

So many thoughts and questions are racing around my head right now. Most of them have to do stuff I've packed, flight itineraries, and other little details. But we've also been presented with a ton of material and things to think through today about our mission, and why we're here. I've been overwhelmed at times with a sense of inadequacy and ignorance about this trip. I feel completely unprepared and naive about everything at this point. On top of that, my normal support system that I love so dearly is at home.

So here I am, toes over the cliff, just waiting to jump in to Abba's arms. But let me tell you, friends....it's scary. I know I'm supposed to say that I trust God and love him so much that it's like stepping into romantic embrace or something. And hopefully I'll look back and be able to see that it was. But on this end, I'm sweating, crying, and biting my fingernails and asking if He's sure He can catch me. I've just never pushed myself to really rely on him for anything so big. There's nothing wrong with safety nets and a back-up plan, right? Well...what if there isn't. What if I have nothing to teach these people? What if our lessons flop at every school? What if I am incapable of loving them? What if I lose all my belongings and am stranded? What if my health and life are called in to question?

God is still calling me and asking me to do this with him when the answers to these questions are uncertain. I praise him and thank him for the opportunity to do this. It's already shown me so much about where my trust and security is, and how I value my life and comfort. I'm excited to see what else is in store and am so anxious to get there, but I pray that I really take in these lessons first.

Jess